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Stephen W. Frueh PhD
STEPHEN FRUEH consults and coaches business leaders and corporate teams by assessing and impacting leadership effectiveness. He coaches couples on creating new approaches to “The Marriage Conversation” helping them revitalize and renew their relationship.
These two dimensions of his work in many ways mirror each other: the leadership conversations contain personal factors that, when addressed, significantly expand an executive’s impact and effectiveness; similarly, many couples are finding that carefully studying their personal paradigms opens a pathway to new energy, greater intimacy, clearer conversations, and increased relational competencies.
Stephen offers workshops with his wife Lynn – a marriage and family therapist – on growth opportunities within marriage. They invite couples into a new way of thinking about marriage, one that sustains enthusiasm for the relationship and supports a life-long commitment.
He is also available as a keynote speaker. He is a member of the National Speakers Association and is an engaging workshop and seminar leader.
Stephen offers coaching and consulting services to businesses and couples who seek to more fully realize their potential.
You can contact Stephen at 805 527 2600 (WTR) or 805 338 4286
or email him Stephen@withtheserings.com
INTRODUCTION | 9
HOW WE WORK | 12
I. FOR THE MOST PART, MARRIAGE IN TODAY’S
WORLD IS NOT FULLY EMBRACED | 13
A. MARRIAGE AND PARADIGMS | 15
1. What is a paradigm?
2. A paradigm that is no longer adequate
B. LOOKING AT A NEW WAY TO IMAGINE MARRIAGE | 18
1. The ‘With These Rings’ model
2. Slugging it out, or dancing in the light
II. NOT YET READY FOR PRIME TIME | 23
A. QUESTIONS AND ANSWERS ABOUT WHAT MARRIAGE ADDS TO
THE QUALITY OF A RELATIONSHIP | 24
B. OBSTACLES: GUNNY SACKS, EXPECTATIONS, AND HISTORY | 27
III. BEGINNINGS | 31
IV. THE BREAKING OF ENCHANTMENTS | 35
A. HITTING THE WALL OF LIMITED SELF KNOWLEDGE | 35
B. WHO DO YOU THINK I AM? | 36
C. YOU ARE NOT WHO I HOPED YOU’D BE | 36
D. THE GOOD NEWS | 37
E. MY PARENTS, MYSELF | 37
F. WHAT I THOUGHT I KNEW | 38
G. DREAMING A MARRIAGE | 39
V. THREE FOUNDATIONS OF MARRIAGE THAT YOU
CAN TAKE TO THE BANK | 41
A. LOVE | 41
B. PHILOSOPHY | 43
C. THE THREE JOURNEYS IN MARRIAGE | 43
VI. WHERE WE ALL BEGIN: THE OUTER JOURNEY | 47
A. ROOMMATES | 47
B. CASH VALUE AND RELATIONSHIP | 48
C. TIME, THE HIDDEN LANGUAGE OF VALUES | 49
D. WHAT SPACE SAYS ABOUT YOUR RELATIONSHIP | 50
E. SELF-RIGHTEOUSNESS | 51
F. ABOUT-FACE | 52
G. DISCOVERING THE INNER JOURNEY | 52
VII. THE INNER JOURNEY | 57
A. DESCENT | 57
B. RESPONSIBILITY | 58
C. WORKING WITH YOUR INNER WORLD | 59
D. DREAMS | 59
E. HISTORY | 62
F. GENDER | 63
G. SOUL MATES | 64
H. SPIRITUALITY | 65
I. INTENTION, FOCUS, AND DISCIPLINE | 66
J. EMOTION’S LANDSCAPE | 67
VIII. THE JOURNEY INTO INTIMACY | 69
A. BY INVITATION ONLY | 69
B. CREATING SPACE AND TIME | 70
C. COMPETENCIES | 71
D. COMMITMENT, INTEGRITY, AND TRUST | 73
E. KNOWING EACH OTHER PSYCHOLOGICALLY | 75
F. EMOTIONAL INTELLIGENCE | 76
G. SPIRITUAL ATTUNEMENT | 80
H. PHYSICAL PRESENCE | 82
I. CREATING SHARED VISION FOR INTIMACY | 84
IX. INTIMACY EVOLVING: THREE POSSIBLE
MARRIAGES WITHIN MARRIAGE | 87
A. HIERARCHIES | 87
B. DOMAINS, RINGS, AND JOURNEYS | 92
1. Roommates
2. Inner work
3. Intimacy
4. Old paradigms and new creations
5. The marriages within each journey
C. THE FIRST JOURNEY BECOMES A MARRIAGE | 97
D. THE INNER JOURNEY OFFERS A SURPRISE | 99
E. THE INTIMATE JOURNEY INTO DEEP BONDING | 100
X. MANIFESTING CONSCIOUS LOVING | 103
A. LOVING OUT LOUD | 103
B. ACCOUNTABILITY | 105
C. STAYING CURRENT IN THE FIRST JOURNEY: SHARED VISION | 107
D. OWNING YOUR OWN WORK – THE INNER JOURNEY | 108
E. INDIVIDUATION AND INTIMACY – THE JOURNEY INTO
INTIMACY | 108
F. FILTERS | 109
XI. SOME OTHER THINGS TO REMEMBER | 111
A. IT’S A MARATHON, NOT A SPRINT | 111
B. THE CHALLENGE OF NAVIGATION | 111
C. THE ART OF TRANSITION | 112
D. EXPANDING YOUR OWN PARADIGM | 112
XII. CONCLUSION | 115
XIII. LOOKING AHEAD | 117
A. COMPETENCIES | 117
B. TWO OTHER FOUNDATIONS OF HEALTHY MARRIAGE | 118
THE AUTHOR | 121